I really enjoyed the universal loving-kindness exercise. It made me feel like I was putting positive energy and love into the world. It also made me feel more connected with all life and nature.
In doing the integral assessment I found two areas where I need improvement. First, the area that causes me the most difficulty or unease is interpersonal, specifically family. I have many good relationships but other members of my extended family have a lot of strife and severed relationships etc. I don’t like to have any conflict around me so this causes me a lot of distress. Even though I have tried to convince myself that it is their problem and I can’t be responsible for other people’s behavior it troubles me to see problems between others that from my “outside” perspective could be healed if there were proper communication, tolerance and forgiveness between the parties involved. I tend to feel like I am responsible for fixing these problems. So far, for years I have stayed neutral and let both parties know that I won’t choose sides. However I still feel like I should speak up and try to mediate the problems.
The second area does not cause me as much unease but it is the area where I feel I am ready for growth. That would be the biological and specifically fitness. I am truly at a point where I want to take better care of myself. I am eating better, now I need to be fit.
As far as the first issue I am up for any and all suggestions from my classmates as to how to handle this area of my life. Like I said so far I have tried to just “stay out of it”, but that only works on the surface. In my own mind the problems still rage and make me very tense.
My husband and I have started discussing options for how we could integrate fitness into our lives. I think that we would both do better if we did it together. When I have someone to partner with, to motivate me and keep me accountable I am more successful.
Hi Lori,
ReplyDeleteThose issues you are having problems with (your family) is not an easy situation especially since you feel you should mediate. One thing I have noticed being on the outside of a situation makes a person see what is really happening and see it from both sides. many times when in an argument people get head strong and hold on to their convictions regardless of right or wrong. Communication is lost and the bad feelings fester and the longer people don't talk the more the mind can make things up, which is not good, because it is probably far from what is really going on.
An example of this is me and my sisters husband not talking for a long time after her death. We all have our baggage when it comes to family relationships and what we think we should or should have done in retrospect. In my case my sister was in hospice and had a very short time left to live, I went to see her (she lived in Mass. I live in Fl.)and spent the day there. It was hard on many levels and I had a hard time dealing so I didn't stay as long as I probably should have (in my mind). Anyway after she passed I always felt bad about the short visit and kept thinking Mike (her husband) was not talking to me because of it or for some other reason I couldn't figure out. But to make a long story short, I called him on Christmas day this year, once I decided to change my ways and my views on life, and he was thrilled to hear from me. All that worrying and thinking the worse was just my own hang ups. My point is that communication is key because the longer strife goes on the harder it is to get the nerve to fix it. Our mind let's us believe all sorts of horrible scenarios that are not real so we avoid the problem out of fear or rejection. So if I were you I would be bold and blunt and point out to each side what the other side is, because you must see it clearer, explain life is short and ask if this is how they want to leave things if God forbid something happens!
Sometimes it takes the hard truth to open peoples eyes but letting things go and festering is the worse way to be, I know for a fact!
Hello Lori,
ReplyDeleteThat is great that you want to work out with your husband. It is a lot easier working out with a partner. My brother and I hold each other accountable. We push each other by tricking our minds into just saying we are going for a walk. Then at the park we cannot stand just walking so we jog.
With your family that is a tuffy. When something gets that way in my family I always want to say something as well because I just want there to be peace. I always ask myself are they going to benefit from my two cents or could they learn something about this situation if I let them hash it out alone? Whatever way it is I always ask the Holy Spirit to guide my thoughts and my tongue. In order to help me make the right decision. Most of the time when you ask for guidance you will prevail.
Another way is sitting both parties down and speak from the heart about how them acting this way is just tearing you up inside. Even if you have to make notes before you sit them down so you do not forget. Do it. Then explain how making them force you to pick a side is childish and life is too short to be feeling these hostile feelings towards each other. Ask them are you going to finally forgive the other person when they are died? No life is too short to be selfish! Happiness and Love is so much easier!
The less amount of words you say to them and also make it to the point will sink in better. Then let them think.
Sorry about the rant, but I have broken up many family fights and it all boils down to being stubborn. Hopefully this helps :D
Lori,
ReplyDeleteFirst of all fitness is the best stress relief ever. I try to get my wife to workout or run with me and I have failed miserably for nine years now. I don't let that slow me down at all though.
Second as you said, only you know if you should try and mediate with the family issues. You might feel a weight has lifted if you give it one all-out try. If nothing comes of it then you know you've done all you can. Good luck
Lori,
ReplyDeleteI completely agree with Monte about the stress relief. The gym for me is a private sanctuary where I can tell all of my problems and issues to "go and kick rocks". I feel at peace, can clear my mind, and rid myself of all uneasiness.
As far as your family issues are concerned, all I can say is that prayer works. If you dont pray, practice breathing techniques so that you dont get yourself worked up with issues that dont concern you.
Hope everything turns out well and thanks for sharing a peice of yourself!